A Moment
by Dervla
Summary: After The event Sirius is thrown out of his group. Abandoned and left alone, his heart broken, his soul shattered, he trys to change. SBRL
1. Chapter 1

**A Moment**

_Chapter One_

Sirius sat quietly on the floor. His eyes focused on Remus as he took a long drag from his cigarette. There are tears in eyes, on the verge of spilling, but he won't let them. He won't let them fall. He refuses to cry.

Sirius' heart is broken. He feels broken inside, and out. The pain in his heart builds as Remus twitches in his sleep, a whimper on his lips. Sirius pauses, cigarette halfway between his lips. His eyes never leave Remus form as it writhes in new-found pain. The whimpers increase to cries of pain.

Sighing, Sirius climbs brokenly to his feet. He can hear James and Peter stir in their sleep. They will wake soon. It's now up to them to wake Remus. Sirius lost those privileges, along with everything else that he held dear. And though it kills him to do so, he returns to his own bed, drawing the curtains behind him.

Yet he doesn't lie down, doesn't attempt to sleep. He sits, legs crossed, and waits. As much as his caring is now unwelcome, he needs to make sure the others wake Remus.

Remus….who's moaning is getting louder, and harder to hear.

Remus….who Sirius sits up to watch every night.

Remus….who Sirius loves more than any other.

Remus….who Sirius hurt and lost.

&&

Remus lunges forward in his bed, arms flailing wildly as he is woken. He looks round, expecting to see Sirius, but is greeted by James' familiar face. He can't help the fleeting look of disappointment that crowns his face, even as he thanks James.

"Do you want to talk about?" James asks as usual.

"No" Remus answers. And they both return to their beds. This is the way it has been months. He kept dreaming of it, though it was not himself he dreamt of. The dreams were not memories, but an interpretation. An interpretation of the night Sirius betrayed him….

_Sirius walks calmly through the halls of Hogwarts, towards the Great Hall. He thinks of Remus, of the Werewolf. He remembers hugging him, kissing him, making love to him… and a frown graces his majestic features. There's beauty there, and a horror, an evil. _

_Disgust laces its way through his thoughts a he remembers loving the werewolf, the creature. A hateful grimace covers his face. The hate is obvious as is the disgust and regret of his actions. Then an idea comes to him. He should punish the werewolf; make him pay for polluting him._

_Walking faster now, with purpose, Sirius hurries toward the Great Hall, hoping to catch someone leaving. He bumps into Severus Snape and grins. _

"_Just who I was looking for." Sirius annunciates him words, grinning madly._

"_Oh really?" Severus looks suspiciously._

_Continuing to grin, he spoke slowly, "Ever wonder where Remus goes once a month? Why he missed classes and is always," His fingers form speech marks, "sick"? I can tell you. Or better still, show you. Go to the third tree from the edge of the forest, the one that moves. There is a small knoll on the left side of the trunk. Push it gently and follow the tunnel that appears."_

_Severus__ looked at him briefly, before running off in the direction of the tree. Sirius laughs loudly before turning to return to the Gryffindor Common Room. _

_The scene changes as to Severus as he lifts large, long stick from the ground near the tree. He pushes it past the flailing branches to prod the knoll. The tree freezes, its branches stalled as they reach out towards him. A small opening is visible in the ground. _

_Snape snuggles down to the ground and crawls down the tunnel. As he moves on the tunnel widens until he is able to stand fully. He looks excited, twisting his surprisingly handsome face. As he approaches the door at the end he hears shouting, screams of pain. _

_He pauses, fearful. Then presses on, not wanting to miss out on discovering Remus' secret. He opens the door, even as the wolf turns on him, baring its teeth and lunging towards him. Severus has frozen, as Prongs appears from nowhere to push the wolf back, even as Severus stumbles backward and falls, unconscious, to the ground._

Tears flow down Remus' cheeks as he remembers it yet again. A part of him knows that wasn't what happened, it couldn't have been, but even the idea of it pulled strongly at his heart strings. He curled on his side, wrapping his arms around himself, letting the tears run free.

It was that, the dream, which prevented him from forgiving Sirius. Lying there he imagined how hard this must be for him. For years he had loved Sirius. When he had found the love returned, he'd never felt better. That had been almost two years ago.

Then it had all fallen apart. After eighteen months together. It had broken him. He remembered vividly his heart break and disbelief when James told him. How at that moment the life he had found had ended. He would never be able to forgive him, to look at him again, to trust him…

&&

The next morning both Remus and Sirius got up together. As usual they moved to the shared shower room, taking shower heads at opposite ends. Not a word was said as they showered, dressed and left. This had become their normal, everyday life.

Peter and James would rise later to find them gone, already in the great hall for breakfast. Sirius now sits on his own, near the doors, and leaves when they arrive to join Remus at the far end. The others don't know where he goes, because it's not on their map, all they know is he disappears and appears just in time for class.

Sirius does go off the map, he leaves school in fact. He goes straight to the Shrieking Shack. There he bathes himself in memories. He remembers the nights of the full moon with the pack, times when the four of them just sat there, and, most of all, times alone with Remus.

It hurt him to believe this was the end. None of the three would talk to him. He was alone, and felt totally isolated. He'd tried, at the start, to make it up to them, but now he understood. They couldn't forgive him, because he didn't deserve forgiveness. Oh he wasn't stupid enough to kill himself, but he doubted life would be worth living.

Sirius had tried making new friends, trying to bury the pain of his other friends, but it just didn't work. He couldn't bring himself to abandon all hope. So now he looked for solutions, in the Shack. They never came.

&&

Ok well I didn't mean to write that, it just kind of appeared in my head. I will try to finish my other stories and get on this one soon though. Hope you like it and please review. Thanks!


	2. Chapter 2

**A Moment**

_Chapter Two_

It was almost six months to the day since he'd made the biggest mistake of his life, and Sirius sat silently in the Gryffindor common room. He was not alone. He was, in fact, surrounded by people. People he barely knew, or had just met, but people that spoke to him, that enjoyed his company.

Many had been shocked at this. Sirius had spent the previous five months sitting alone, or had simply disappeared. Now he was the centre of attention, telling jokes, making friends, and even, dare they think it, dating. At that moment Sirius sat cuddled up to a mousy blond girl with striking blue eyes. She was beautiful, in a strange way, quiet and calm.

Most called her Mara, but here name was Margaret Patil. Sirius had his arm draped around her shoulders, talking animatedly with a group of sixth years. His free hand moved swiftly in conversation, while his other clutched at Mara, holding her tight to him.

This was how James and Remus discovered him, when they entered the common room. Remus took one look in his direction and fled the room, into his dormitory. James watched in shock as Sirius neither noticed, not cared, of Remus' distress. He continued his conversation as James left towards the dormitory.

James found Remus curled in a small ball on HIS bed, on Sirius' bed. He looked up as James entered, tears dripping off his chin. Shocked to see Remus cry, he rushed over to him, pulling him into a tight hug.

Remus clung to him as if his life depended on it, "I don't understand" he murmured over and over again.

Unsure of how to react James rubbed his back and let him cry. Eventually his sobs turned to whimpers, and then they stopped. Remus pushed himself off James, wiping his eyes on his own robes, "Thanks," he mumbled, embarrassed, "I needed that."

James moved back so they sat opposite each other, still on Sirius' bed. "I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you," James began.

But Remus cut him of, "Oh no! He meant to hurt me. Just like he wanted to hurt me when he told Snape. Sirius despises me." He was crying again, "And, because of me, he despises you too."

There was an undertone of guilt in his voice that James didn't like. "He didn't mean it that way." James held up his hand to prevent Remus interrupting, "Just listen to me. Sirius loves you. When he told Snape….. he was angry, or upset. Snape probably goaded him into it.

"The only reason that he has moved on is because, well, he has too." Remus gave him a strange, confused look, "Well we've abandoned him. Ignored him for months, let him believe we hate him, that it is us that despise him. When in reality, or at least in my opinion, you still love him."

"How can …. How can…" Remus let it lie.

"How can I believe that? I know Sirius. He loved you more than anything in the world. And I know you. If you didn't still love him you wouldn't be on his bed right now. You wouldn't wish it was him that woke you from your nightmares, and you wouldn't feel the way you do right now."

Remus knew he was right. But that wasn't the question he had been going to ask. Even as James leaned over to give him one last hug, he regretted not asking but knew nothing could be said to change anything. He watched James crawl into his bed, and thought to himself, how can anyone love a werewolf?

That was the question. His answer, they couldn't. In the end it didn't matter if he loved Sirius, Sirius loved another. Sirius loved Mara. Sirius was straight. He had never been gay. It broken Remus' heart to even think it, but there it was, the truth.

Remus went to bed not long after that, his heart heavy with sorrow and self pity.

&&

Meanwhile Sirius sat alone, in the common room, with Mara. He held her close, letting his hands roam her petite, feminine body as they kissed. She arched into him, her hands mussing his long hair. They moaned together at the loss of contact as they separated.

"Hmm," Mara sighed letting her hand run down his chest, "Should we take this somewhere more private?" Her voice was low, and seductive.

Sirius grinned, "You know for a quiet girl, you're awfully forward." He laughed again, more to himself. "But I would prefer if we waited." She looked put out, her face turning into a frown, "until it can be special, so it means more." He finished earnestly, hoping she would agree.

Her face seemed to light up, "You mean this means something to you?" He nodded shocked by her question.

"Why would you think that it didn't?" He asked.

"I…well…it's just…" She floundered, unsure of how to answer, "Well.. you see…..err….well you don't normally, you know, stay with anyone for long periods of time. I assumed this was a once off." She blushed bright red.

Sirius laughed gently, kissing her lightly on the lips. "I know my track record isn't the best, but I've changed. And you really do mean a lot to me." He pulled her close, watching her face as she snuggled close to him.

He lay back, with her on top off him, and closed his eyes. Fingering her hair he tried to imagine she was Remus. But her hair was wrong, not soft enough, but at the same time, too soft.

He sighed softly. She was a lot like Remus, but she wasn't him. She smelt of Raspberries, Remus smelt of Strawberries. She let her hands wander when they kissed, Remus held his still, stroking the hair. It was similar, but would never be the same.

It was after midnight when they separated, each to their own dormitory. As Sirius entered his, he was surprised to see that James was sitting up, waiting on him. He had barely entered when James lunged at him, dragging him to the bathroom.

"What in God's name do you think you're doing?" He raged as soon as the door had closed, "Do you think at all?"

"I…I…I" Sirius stammered, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh really?" James sneered, finding it difficult to keep the rage out of his voice, "Oh really? Have you thought what this would do to Remus? God Sirius! Do you even care about him anymore?"

"Well of course I do!" Sirius answered just as angrily, "It's him that stopped loving me! It's you that pushed me out. Excuse me if I can move on."

They had been shouting, both panting loudly now. They didn't care.

James spoke quietly, "Do you really think you've moved on? Just look at your so called new friends. Three boys, three know pranksters. And your girlfriend? Just how much more similar to Remus could she be?"

"I.." Sirius was lost for words.

"You should know better than to think Remus could just let you go. He loves you, even if you don't deserve it." He leaned closer to him, "I want you to sort this out. I want you to wait for Remus. And you will do it. You're going to wait for him to decide what happens now. Aren't you Sirius?" His voice, stance, everything about him was threatening. Sirius nodded meekly, watching as James stormed out, slamming the door behind him.

Sirius sat on the floor and cried. For once, he didn't try to stop the tears from flowing he. He just cried.


	3. Chapter 3

**A Moment**

_Chapter Three_

It was late the next morning when Sirius woke, still on the floor of the bathroom. Tears stained his face, and he looked around, bleary eyed, to find the source of the noise that had woken him. Someone was banging on the bathroom door, shouting something unintelligible.

He pulled himself to his feet and stumbled towards the door. There he unlocked it and pulled it open. His three roommates stood their, looking rather disgruntled. Without a word Sirius pushed past them and made his way to his bed. He crawled in and pulled the curtains shut behind him, before curling up to return to sleep, glad that it was Sunday.

James, Remus and Peter stared at the bed for a moment, and then moved on into the bathroom. Remus lingered for a bit longer, but thought better of it. He followed the other two into the bathroom, proceeding to wash his face and brush his teeth. Peter left quickly, hurrying downstairs in the hope of catching breakfast.

James looked over to Remus, "Feeling any better today?" He asked quietly.

Remus nodded, "Yes." It was abrupt, and James knew it to be a lie. But he let it go. Remus would talk when he was ready.

They left soon for breakfast, heading straight for the kitchens, sure to meet Peter along the way.

&&

It was well after five when Sirius left the dormitory, dressed and ready to face the common room. That didn't make him ready to face everything, or everyone, just yet. His first instinct was to run, but he knew that was unfair. Calmly he approached Mara.

She sat with the same group in which Sirius had been accepted into recently. He sat down with them, putting his arm round her. It had taken him all morning, but he'd made a decision. He would stay with her, for as long as he still felt something for her, for as long as he wanted.

Deep down Sirius still loved Remus, deny it or not, it was the truth. However, what he also knew to be true was that he just didn't deserve Remus. He wasn't good enough for him. But Remus knew that, that was why he continued to ignore him, to hurt him. Sirius needed to be punished before he could be forgiven.

He mumbled hello to Mara, giving her a quick peck on the nose.

She grinned back at him, settling happily into his arms.

Yes, Sirius would date her, maybe even come to love her; he hadn't thought that far ahead. He hoped that she would be able to change him. If he was more similar to Remus, he would deserve him more. Yes, it didn't matter what James thought, Sirius was doing this Remus.

He watched as she pulled a book out of her bag, fazing out her friends in pursuit of knowledge. Leaning closer so he could read her book, he kissed her neck, and asked, "What are you reading?"

She looked up at him, bright eyed, shock showing clearly on her face, "It's Hogwarts, A History, quite a fascinating read actually."

He nodded, agreeing with her, "What's it about then?"

She looked slightly suspicious, but also happy to have someone to share her knowledge with, as she began to explain the book. Sirius actually listened, and understood. She was very like Remus now. Her eyes lit up as she spoke, and she made Sirius understand. She was just like Remus that way.

"Can I borrow it sometime?" He asked. A genuine interest prompting him.

She nodded, "You can have it now. I've read it a thousand times." She handed him the book, pulling another out of her bag.

Sirius sat back, with Mara on his lap, his arm around her. He slowly opened the book and began to read.

He was surprised by how quickly he finished it, drinking in the words, easily remembering everything he had read. Gently he closed the book, and handed it back to his rather shocked girlfriend. Gingerly, he climbed off the sofa, careful not to hurt her.

He stretched his hand towards hers, "Like to go for a walk?"

She nodded, placing a bookmark in her book, and talking his hand. They left the common room together, hand in hand, and walked towards the lake. Both talking quickly, surprisingly, about books.

&&

Remus sat in the corner of the library, far from the hustle and bustle of the doors. Beside him sat James and Peter. All three working diligently on their transfiguration essays, Remus' being that bit better.

James yawned loudly, getting bored. "Well guys, I think I've just about destroyed every useful brain cell I have. Let's take a break for dinner."

Peter couldn't have waited any longer. He dropped his quill and climbed to his feet, ready to go, before James had finished stretching. Remus took that bit longer, hesitant to leave his essay so near to completion, yet still unfinished.

"It's ok," he said, "We'll save you a seat, and some food." He hurried after Peter, who had already left, desperate to reach the great hall.

Remus returned to his essay. It didn't take long to finish, though he lingered over it. Not sure why, he was reluctant to leave, to go to the great hall. Afraid of what he might see, but at the same time, afraid of what he might not see.

Eventually he pulled himself together and left. He entered the great hall with his head down, not looking around. Sitting down beside James he smiled hello before eating the ham sandwich James had saved for him. Peter grinned hello through a mouthful of ice cream.

"Mother-Fucking Bastard!" James exclaimed all of a sudden, and, seemingly, for no reason. Remus followed his eyes, as did many of the people surrounding them, to land on one Sirius Black. Sirius Black with his arms around Mara. Sirius Black laughing with Mara and her friends. Sirius Black, HIS SIRIUS BLACK, kissing Mara.

Remus saw red, the wolf coming out. He clutched at the edge of the table, trying to control it. More than anything he wanted to hurt her. Pull her off Sirius. Claim Sirius for his own.

He looked away, and the world came back to him. James was staring at him intently, while Peter still stared dimwittedly at Sirius, trying to work out the problem.

"You're hands are bleeding." James pointed out.

Remus nodded, clutching them to him. James helped him up, and they left the hall together, James holding a rather broken Remus up.

Sirius's eyes followed them briefly, wondering whether he had made the right decision.

&&

_I am now immensely proud of myself. Three chapters, in three days! That's record, for me anyway! I'll try to update soon ___


	4. Chapter 4

**A Moment**

_Chapter Four_

Remus refused to meet James' eyes as they sat in the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey bustled around them, annoyed to see Remus there once again, and with a rather unsatisfactory excuse for the huge splinters in his hands. Remus wasn't paying attention to, well, anything. His eyes stared forward, lost in thought, refusing to meet either of the two present parties' eyes.

It didn't take long for Madam Pomfrey to heal Remus. They left as silently as they had entered, James supporting Remus. James didn't bother going to class, Remus was in no state to attend.

They went to the dormitory and Remus lay down. James wasn't sure if he slept on not, but sat with him anyway, reading quietly. Something inside Remus had broken; it would take a while for him to pull it back together, at least enough to talk about it.

&&

Sirius sat in his usual seat at the back of the transfiguration classroom. He wasn't paying attention. Remus and James were missing. Judging by how Remus had looked leaving the Great Hall, he knew that he was unwell.

Sirius felt it to. Had seen it in Remus' and James' faces. They had forgiven him. At least for the Whooping Willow incident, so named, unofficially, in his mind. Could they forgive him for this? Could anyone really forgive him for hurting Remus so?

His eyes flew to Mara's slight form. She chewed on her quill as she listened to the professor drone on. Her attention was totally focused, her brow furrowed, similar, again, to Remus. It wasn't the same.

Sirius drew himself up, realising that he had, indeed, made a mistake. He had chosen the wrong person. He cared for Mara, but he loved Remus. It was that realisation that made him wonder. How had he ever considered giving up hope? Or letting Remus go? It was preposterous!

The class ended suddenly, for Sirius anyway. He watched as those in front packed up and left. He followed their suit, at a slower, more leisurely pace. Mara was waiting for him by the door, arms clinging to a rather large pile of books.

He nodded to her and they fell into pace together, walking side by side. Sirius was silent as he tried to come up with words, find a way to tell her, but not hurt her. He glanced at her and nodded, more to himself than anything else.

Sirius pulled up in front of her. "I…I…I'm sorry." It was all that needed to be said.

Mara nodded. "I was waiting. I, well, I know you love him. Remus that is. You do, I mean, that's why isn't?"

Sirius' mouth had gone dry. How had she known? Was it that obvious? "How?" He managed to push out.

She smiled lightly. "Oh it was always there. Explains why you chose me to. We're so similar…"

Sirius nodded, "And so very different."

They were silent. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence though, more understanding. She didn't seem hurt, or even shocked. "Go to him." She said finally, "He didn't look well this morning."

There was nothing else for it. "Are you…" Sirius trailed off, unsure what to say.

"I'm fine!" She snapped, "Just go."

She didn't seem fine to Sirius, but it didn't really matter, not now anyway. All that mattered was Remus. He had to find him, talk to him, and fix this, whatever it was.

&&

Remus sat up slowly, bleary eyed. James put his book down, "How do you feel?"

"Angry," Remus replied, "But also afraid." There was confusion in his face.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Yes," he said thoughtfully, "but now with you." James cocked his head to the side and looked at him, "I want to talk to Sirius." There was a conviction in his voice that shocked James.

"Ok. I-I'll just go find him for you."

"Thanks." Was all Remus said, before disappearing into the bathroom.

James bumped into Sirius as he entered the common room. "Is he up there?" Sirius asked.

James was angry, but didn't see a point in arguing, "Yes." They were silent. "What will you say?"

"I, I don't know. Will he talk to me?"

"Yes." James answered almost reluctantly, "He wants to talk to you."

"I broke up with her." Sirius said to James back as he walked away.

"I guessed as much." He looked at him, "You should have done it earlier. Say yesterday."

Sirius smiled ever so slightly at the joke. "I know. Was I too late?" He glanced toward the staircase.

"I hope not." James answered.

Sirius looked at him, "Does this mean…?" He left it hanging.

"Yes it does." James looked him in the eye, "Don't hurt him again. I don't think he can handle it." There was a long gap. "I'll kill you."

James walked to the far end of the common room, sitting down in one of the large chairs.

Sirius gulped before slowly walking up the stairs, unsure what he would find up there. He was afraid, but also knew he was doing the right thing. He couldn't fuck this up. Not now anyway.

&&

Remus paced the bathroom, waiting for Sirius to appear. He wanted to appear calm and collected. Harsh, and unforgiving. He wanted Sirius to fear him. Remus needed Sirius to regret his actions.

He didn't understand it. Maybe it was the wolf inside him, but he wanted to punish Sirius, and to possess him. Yes, it had to be the wolf. Just how it planned on acting, Remus couldn't understand, couldn't begin to control. He just hoped he could survive this.

Then he heard it. A step on the stairs to the dormitory. Not just any step, Sirius' step. He knew that step, the walk Sirius walked, shifting his weight. Remus' heart thumped wildly in his chest.

He looked in the mirror, composing his face. It was an emotionless mask, a harsh face, but still him. Remus opened the bathroom door and stepped out to stand in the centre of the room. He watched with a bemused smirk as the door handle was slowly turned, followed by the door being gently pushed out.

Sirius stepped in. "Hello." Remus said quietly, his voice, calm and controlled as it was, shook Sirius to the core.

&&

_Ok __its midnight now so technically I have finished on time. The date on this will say the wrong thing. Still, Four chapters in four days. I'm pleased. Hopefully will get the last chapter up tomorrow. Please review and let me know what you think!_


	5. Chapter 5

**A Moment**

_Chapter Five_

Sirius stepped in. "Hello." Remus said quietly, his voice, calm and controlled as it was, shook Sirius to the core.

"Hi Remus." Sirius' voice shook slightly, "You wanted to talk to me?"

"Yes. Sit."

Sirius sat, unsure why exactly he obeyed. Remus paced slowly, deliberately, in front of him. It was rather terrifying to watch. Unsure where to start, what to say, how to fix it, Sirius waited.

Remus sighed, "I'm not sure why you wish to hurt me so -" He held his hand to prevent Sirius from interrupting, "–no, let me speak. I'm not sure why, but I know you, or at least I knew you." His eyes pierced Sirius soul.

"You do know me." Sirius ventured.

"Yes," Remus laughed harshly. "And what an unfortunate thing that is."

There was a long silence. Remus paced a while more, and then turned to Sirius. His voice was louder, clearer, just a hint of menace to it, "Explain!"

One word, but it sent Sirius into a spiral of confusion. Where to begin? With Mara? The most recent and harshest wound. An explanation would not fix that though, how could it? Maybe then the willow incident, could he justify his actions then? "I-I-" He began, but fell silent.

"From the start Sirius. I'm giving you this one chance, and then it's over. This is it." The harsh note to his voice promised it to be true. "From the start."

"I erm…" Sirius mumbled slightly. He shook his head, and sighed, placing his head in his hands.

"Tell Me." Remus said again. His voice tight and controlled.

"You don't remember? Do you?" Sirius looked at him pleadingly. Remus continued to stare passively at his face. "That night? Before you went to the tree?" Remus shook his head, his expression unchanged.

"I guess not, you never do remember what happens before you go." Sirius sighed again, this time in defeat. "We argued, to put it bluntly." He paused to think. "But you were different. I mean we argue all the time, normally it all turns out ok, maybe it was the wolf, but you made me angry, and it hurt…. And…. I didn't know what to do, so I went out.

"I came back when I had calmed down, but you must have already left. I ran after you, hoping to talk to you before you changed." Sirius stopped, unsure where to go.

"What did I say?" Remus interrupted.

"You…It was…I…" He couldn't say, couldn't go over it in his head.

Remus leaned forward slightly, looking interested despite himself. "Did I insult you? What did I say? Tell Me." It was a command again.

There were tears in Sirius' eyes now. "We were talking about James, and …" Remus jumped slightly as he remembered, even as Sirius continued to speak of the conversation.

Flashback

Sirius sat with his back against the wall on his bed, Remus leaned against him. Both wore smiles of contentment.

"You know," Remus started, "I always love these moments."

"What moments Love?"

Remus sighed happily, snuggling closer to Sirius. "Moments when its just you and me. No James." His voice changed slightly when he said that.

Sirius sat up. "What do you mean? I thought … I mean you and James are good friends."

"We are," Remus said softly, "But your better friends with him than I….."

"That's because we've been friends since childhood."

"And than you are with me." Remus continued, looking Sirius straight in the eye.

Sirius stared at him. "You can't possibly think…" He trailed off, unsure how to finished.

"I don't think. I know." Remus voice and eyes darkened. "You sleeping with him aren't you?"

"NO!" Sirius cried.

"Of course you are! You love him don't you?" Remus half –screamed, scrambling away from Sirius. "I've seen it!" His voice continued to rise, "You spend all you time with him! Time you should be spending with me! You probably think of him when you fuck me."

Remus lowered his voce, purring almost seductively, "I bet you wish it's his arse your pounding into! His cock you jerk off! His mouth you kiss!"

"No!" Sirius squealed. "How could you even think that? I love you!"

"Ha!" Remus scoffed, "Love me? Not when you look at me like that, you don't!" Remus paused, almost for effect, "Get Out!" He screamed.

Sirius jumped slightly, "Wha-" He started.

"Out!"

Sirius left, having no other option, he stormed out, slamming the door shut.

End Flashback

"And I left." Sirius paused looking at Remus, who nodded for him to continue.

Sirius sighed. He didn't want to talk about this. "Well I was angry, so I walked round the castle a few times. Up the astronomy tower. Actually I was fuming. Banged into walls and people everywhere. But I just didn't care.

"It was more than an hour later when I returned. You were obviously gone. I was angry at that too. For once I forgot about the full moon, not because I wanted to, but it just didn't occur to me that you could have an elsewhere to be when we had so much to say to each other.

"I was about half way down to the main hall when I remembered where you had gone. Slightly disappointed as I was, I went looking for James," There was a wariness in Sirius' voice as he mentioned James' name, but Remus didn't react, "so we could change and go down to be with you.

"I met Snape instead." Sirius stopped. He looked straight into Remus' eyes, "I never met to tell him. I couldn't even tell you how it came out. It just did. Before I knew it Snape was running off towards the tree.

"By the time I'd realised what I'd done I had wondered back to the Common Room. That's were I met James. I was in too much shock to do anything myself, but told him and he took off." Sirius finished quietly. He looked up hopefully at Remus.

There was a long silence as Remus considered what had been said. The fist conversation was now clear in his mind. He remember saying those things, but in truth had never believed any of them. That had been the wolf talking. So close to the full moon, it hurt him that Sirius still didn't see the difference between himself and the wolf.

"I'm sorry." It was all Remus could say.

Sirius looked at him, horror in his eyes, "S-Sorry?" He stuttered.

"I can't forgive you." Remus put it plainly. Then he left. Unable to keep the tears from his eyes.

Sirius eyes followed Remus out of the room, and out of his life.

&&&

The next Sirius tentatively sat beside James in the common room. He hoped what he had said yesterday still stood. James nodded "Hello".

"Hi."

"So you get this question?" He pointed at part of their transfiguration essay.

Sirius smiled gently and proceeded to explain the answer to James. Things would be ok between them, they always would. In the end, him and James had always been friends, there was nothing the change that.

Him and Remus however? Sirius still hoped, but doubted that that would ever change. Even if a friendship ensued, a relationship? There was no chance, and it broke Sirius' heart, but he had to live on.

That's it! It's finished. Yes, most will not like the ending, but I had written three and it has taken me ages to decided. But this is the one. If I have time, I may write a sequel, but I rather like the idea of just leaving it there. Let me know what you think. And, as always, thanks to all those who reviewed, and sorry it took me soo long to get this up!


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